"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"
"Come to the edge." "We can't. We're afraid." "Come to the edge." "We can't. We will fall." "Come to the edge." And they came. And he pushed them. And they flew.
~Apollinaire
"You'll find yourself alright alone You'll find yourself with open arms You'll find yourself, you'll find yourself in time"
~Sarah McLachlan, Perfect Girl
~Things Jenn Loves~
sunsets ~ sunrises ~ the smell of rain ~ cats ~ yoga ~ fluffy snowflakes ~ seeing someone after a long time apart ~ hugs ~ kisses ~ laughing ~ cuddling ~ lying in the dark ~ candles ~ strawberries ~ tea ~ old photographs ~ writing ~ a good book ~ spring ~ talking on the phone late at night for hours and hours ~ friends ~ family ~ happy faces ~ Newfoundland ~ the Austrailian accent ~ the leaves in the fall ~ the ferris wheel ~ pink, blue and/or yellow things ~ mooses ~ inside jokes ~ daisies ~ bubbles ~ driving with the windows down ~ fresh pineapple ~ massages ~ sleeping in ~ dressing up ~ camping ~ journals ~ picnics ~ a hot bubble bath ~ thunder storms ~ playing pool ~ babies ~ peanut butter and banana sandwiches ~ popcorn with real butter ~ breakfast ~ Harry Potter ~ fresh laundry ~ the lake ~ e-mail ~ remembering things long forgotten ~ rainbows ~ dreams ~ sandals ~ poetry ~ dancing ~ spontaneity ~ road trips ~ those little umbrellas they put in drinks ~ snail mail ~ white Christmas lights ~ waterfalls ~ deep conversations ~ compliments ~ looking at the stars ~ slow dancing ~ Michael ~
"If you think you can't make a difference, try spending the night cooped up with a mosquito"
~Swahili Proverb
"Lean on me" he said, loving her weakness. And she leaned hard, adoring his strength. Like two slant trees they grew together, their roots the wrong way for standing alone
People keep asking me what married life feels like. I am never sure how to answer because not much really changed after the wedding. And I have to be careful about saying I am not feeling well because people always assume I must be pregnant lol. These are the things that come along with marriage.
But seriously, married life is great. I think I am still recovering from the trip home/wedding though. I have to start working on thank you cards, even though there is no way they will be enough to really say thank you for everything that was done for us. I have never felt so lucky in my entire life.
Seeing my family and friends - and having them all in the same place at the same time - was a little surreal. Wonderful, but surreal. It was something that I knew then and I know now will never ever happen again. Luckily, I lived in the moment, which is what I told myself to do. I got up that morning and promised myself that I would relax and love every moment because I deserved it all. Now, I can look back at all the (thousands of) photos and the videos and remember and know that it was perfect. It was all perfect.
I thought I would feel sad or empty when it was all over, but I don't. I just feel happy and ready to live my life. Now that I don't have a wedding to plan we can do that. First we are planning a honeymoon though, hopefully for the spring. And yes, we will have babies. Just not yet. For now we are just living and loving every minute of it and it's great.
Well we finally got spring. And it's almost June, which means we're coming up on 2 months until the wedding. TWO MONTHS. People keep saying I must be getting excited now. Well I am, but at the same time I am not filled with anticipation yet. I have been much too busy to think about it too much. I have just been kind of doing the things that need to get done and waiting until I can do all the other things that I know will pile up all at once any time now.
I know that this time last year I was not this busy. It has a lot to do with the fact that we had a summer student by now, so what three of us covered last year only two of us can this year. I can't wait until school is over so it will start to slow down, when everyone goes away to the lake on the weekends and I can start doing the things I want to. I have rarely been getting free time lately, and when I do I just want to crash.
I went to lake last weekend though, and it was the perfect relaxing weekend. Unfortunately having a long weekend just means less time to get the same amount of work done the following week. So this past week was pretty hectic and now I am sunburnt and tired and have been on the verge of getting sick ever since we got home.
As tired, and cranky, as I get I know that this is just how my life is. It's stressful and frustrating sometimes, but it is also exactly what I always wanted. I would much rather look back on my life and know that it was full of stuff - a job I love and lots of friends around - instead of long day of nothingness. This optimism is coming from the sunny days we have been getting lol. At least at the end of a hard day at work, it is still light out and there is still time left in the day to enjoy that.
Did I ever mention how much I love summer? I can't wait to go to the lake!!
I am so not impressed right now. We are in the middle of a snow storm. In April.
This weekend has been so all over the place and weird. We started painting the office at work on Friday and we were steady at it until yesterday evening around 6. It looks great and it really needed it, but I am so exhausted I want to collapse. Every muscle in my body is aching. Michael worked all night at the trade fair as security and then went straight to work at Co-op after that so he wasn't there to help and he was pretty tired when he got home. But he didn't get to sleep long because the pager went off around 11 pm and it was grass fire. In a snow storm. Can't say I've ever seen that before.
So today I have to go take pictures I didn't get to take yesterday at the trade fair and I really would rather just stay in bed all day. I know I sound whiny, but I know anyone would feel like me if they looked outside their window and saw snow, LOTS of snow, on the ground. And it's still coming down. I just want spring to get here!!!
Well on a happier note, the countdown to the wedding is starting. I think it's like 110 days or something. We had some problems with the guys' tuxes but I think it's all straightened out now. And we got a videographer and the girls all have their dresses ordered. I can't wait to go get my dress altered so it actually fits me. That's going to be a moment for sure.
Oh, and I have decided to get contacts. I was driving on the highway the other day and my eyes were watering and I could hardly see, and I just wanted to have sunglasses. So I decided it's time. It's about time I know. I don't like poking myself in the eyes, but I am going to suck it up because I know it will be so much better. So I might look a little different in my wedding photos!
Michael is cooking me breakfast now. I love him :) I am going to go rest before I have to go out in the storm. Argh.
... everyone tells you that you look stressed and need to take a vacation. seriously.
I am not sure why I am so stressed. Aside from the fact that one week we have more stories and photos than we can fit in the paper and the next week I am down to four stories. but I don't think that's it really. I think it's more the fact that I haven't had a vacation since ... well since I moved here. I had one week off but I didn't go anywhere. and I have taken long weekends here and there and went to edmonton and elsewhere, but for some reason it never felt like a vacation. take my advice: the west edmonton mall is not a vacation, it is just a really really big mall, which means more people and if you stay there too long you want to scream.
so my point is, I would like to take a vacation where I get to actually relax. the sad this is, I know it won't happen any time soon. the next time I get time off will be for the wedding and I am more than thrilled and excited obviously, but I know it will be everything but relaxing. and we can't take a honeymoon until at least next spring.
I guess I am at a point where I am just tired of being tired. I have this problem where I take my work home with me. I can't turn my brain off and I get stressed out thinking about the upcoming day or week. It's wearing me out and it's not good.
on a more positive note, spring is slowly arriving and I am hoping that brings my spirits up a little. working all the time and spending the time when your not working in the house being lazy does nothing to boost your mood, I know that. I have to get out of the house, get some fresh air and exercise and have fun. and then I have to get excited because in just over four months I'm getting married!!! wooooo! and when that honeymoon does come, oh boy am I going to leave the rest of the world behind.
Bla. That's how I feel today. It's my first full day off in a while and instead of feeling great and enjoying a relaxing day to myself, I feel yucky. I went to bed at 8 last night cause I had a terrible migraine. Haven't had one of those in a while. Anyway, after getting 12 hours of sleep I got up when Michael went to work this morning. I talked to my mom, and Ryan for the first time AGES. I have kind of just moped around ever since. I guess it's good to not be worrying about/doing any work stuff or wedding stuff for once, but I feel dizzy and sleepy and weird.
I have also been thinking about things I haven't thought about in a long time, people I haven't thought about in a long time or seen in years. It's probably because I was thinking about the wedding and seeing old friends again. There are some people I wouldn't thought twice about inviting a couple years ago, but now I don't even know where they are or what they're doing. I have a day like this once in a while. I probably need it. It's so easy to get caught up in the now, which is good too, but forget about other things. Life is so weird.
I hope that winter ends soon. It feels like it could go on forever. Once the snow starts melting I know I will feel better, I always do. I have always disliked winter, and it really doesn't help when it's -50. Everyone is sick and tired and cranky all the time. It's depressing. We'll all break out of it soon enough. I shouldn't wish the time away but I just can't wait for the summer, it's as simple as that. I can't wait to get married. To see my friends and family and just have fun, nothing else. It's going to be amazing. I just wish it would hurry up.
I just want winter to be over. I will never get to like being cold, scraping the car, wearing big boots (and a hat and mittens and a scarf), static in my hair, and all the other stupid things that come along with this long season. I also want it to be spring so I can go to Edmonton and get this wedding planning stuff on the go. I have so many things to get and I can't get any of them here ... Michael tux, shoes, favours etc. So I sit here freezing my butt off waiting for winter to be over.
Even with winter happening, my life has been non-stop. Well, it did stop for a while around Christmas when I kind of didn't leave the house much. People came over, which was awesome, but I didn't get out much. I was happy when it was January and I could leave the house again. Then of course, work got busy in a slow kind of way, and all I am doing now is sports it seems. I am proud of how things are going. I am happy with how the paper is now, with some changes we've made. We submitted tons of stuff for awards and I really feel like we can win some. And I am proud of myself because I've gotten some amazingly positive feedback lately. So no matter what some people say, no matter how many mistakes I/we make, I know that we are doing great. I will continue to strive to be better and I will continue to get better because of it.
I am going to be married in less than 7 months. I realized last night that August 8, 2003 was a Friday. Five years ago when I met Michael. I can't believe it's been five years. I am going to be Mrs. Blake! I am so excited. I may not talk about it constantly. I may not be going crazy with wedding plans and making sure everything is planned down to the detail, but I am excited.
I am tired from having eight seven year olds hanging off me for two hours (Brownies) and I have a lot of work to do tomorrow. Think I might get a bath. Or read a book. Or do anything that will make me stop just for a minute. We all need to just stop sometimes. It feels good :)
So it has been exactly a year since we arrived in Meadow Lake. One whole year. It hit me the other day when the snow came. I thought about when we got here and there was lots of snow, and it stayed until April. I remember saying "I wonder what this town looks like without snow on the ground". And now it's back.
It's surreal to me, how fast this year went. But at the same time, so much happened. I have changed a lot. I have come a long way. Literally and figuratively.
Aside from the snow coming, things have been good. Work has been challenging at times but I've been handling it as best as I can. I am doing Brownies and loving it. I think the girls like me and we have fun doing crafts and playing games. Sometimes I feel like I am their age still, until I get there and have to be the authority figure. It's hard to get used to being an adult. We play our games and act silly just like the kids do, but then when I am actually around kids I feel old. I am in my late 20s now officially after all.
And now Christmas is coming again. Here come the two months of build up before the big day. Of course we are not going home again this year. I would love love love to, to be a part of our family traditions again and be with everyone. But it is just way too expensive. And we are saving for the wedding so that makes it even more impossible. Maybe next year. In the meantime, we will put up our tree and put lights on the house (yay!) and sit around the fireplace (yay!) and it will be fun. I guess this really is home now. I think that's good.
I had a moment yesterday. I spent the last two days at a conference for parents of children with autism and professions who work with those kids. I learned so much. The speakers were amazing. They made it simple to understand and easy to apply to everyone, not just people with autism.
So I'm writing this story about it. I went to the whole thing, took it all in and have way more information than I can ever fit in a four column story. I sat there during the conference wondering how I was going to fit it everything the speakers said about how to help these people - how to make their lives better and how to include them in society. Then, I went to a meeting with the parents. That's when I realized what the story really is. The story is that these parents need help. They are desperate. They want the funding and trained professionals that the rest of the country has. They live their day-to-day lives wishing they had help, someone else who understands what they go through.
I knew then that I could help them. I can't give them the money they need or help their children directly, but I can be a voice for them. I can write their story and pass it on and maybe someone who matters will read it and something can happen. It was the first time I ever felt like what I am doing can make a difference.
I learned that my job isn't just to write a story. I have to immerse myself in the story. The more I know about it, the better I can write. I feel like now I have a better understanding of autism. Did you know that 1 in 150 children are diagnosed with it? Who is to say one of my future children won't be that one? And if they aren't, well I can still take what I learned and use it because it applies to everyone.
My story won't change the world, but I hope that it can affect someone. If it does, then I have done my job. I have no idea what I'm going to write yet. You will have to read it next weekend to find out.
Ok, so it's August 17 and the leaves are changing. Is that not WAY too early? One day we're getting 35 degree temperatures and then suddenly it's 5 and raining every day. I was so not ready for that. I wanted some more lake time and skirt time and having the fan on at night. I am not prepared for it to be -40 again.
But anyway. This weekend was the first in many that neither me or Michael were on call or had to go anywhere. Today we've been cleaning the house and the yard up. There was so much junk left behind by the old owners. It's starting to look really nice now. I love it here so much.
I think tomorrow we're going to go to North Battleford. Usually when we need to go shopping (in a store other than SAAN or Co-op) we go to Cold Lake, but we never go to NB and there is a Burger King there so I think it's a great idea!
Next weekend we both have to work and then the weekend after that my mom is coming to visit! Yay! We have to go pick her up in Hinton, AB (where her brother lives now) and I am hoping we can get to Jasper to see the mountains too.
Tonight we're having a bbq mmm. I wonder where Michael is ... he has been outside for a long time, maybe I should go offer to help him hehe.
